The Georgia Knitter’s Blog

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita :: In the midway of this our mortal life Thursday, March 13, 2008

I found me in a gloomy path astray, gone from the path direct.
I think I’ve lost my way in this world.

Well, I’m still looking for a girlfriend for Horu. And I’ve also decided that at the end of the month, I’m going to buy a pair of bettas, a dual tank where I can put both of them in the same tank with a divider to seperate them. I want a male and a female so I can breed them. Toshi and Senshi I think I’ll call them. As for Horu’s girlfriend, if I can find a female Blue Gourami at Warner Robins’ Petsmart, I’ll be calling her Hoshihana or Ayame.
Last night and this morning I was helping mom with her work by grading papers because grades are due real soon (like today, but they were originally due Friday, but no one told her about the change). I was going to try to stay up until they were all done, but Steven got all pissy because I was out in the living room, watching TV, trying to stay awake without the help of caffiene because my new drugs I’m on are anti-caffiene. And I mean REALLY pissy. So I went to bed. And he came out to the living room and I had left neat stacks of ungraded papers on the couch, the floor in front of the couch, on the table mom and I use and in a bucket in between the love seat and the couch. Know what he did? HE THREW IT ALL! Yup, I don’t know where half the stuff I was working on went let alone where the keys went. And he started slamming everything he didn’t throw, he overturned the table, my stitch markers, yarn needles, earrings, necklaces, etc and the papers were on the table and all of it went flying. So most of it’s still lost. And he started ranting and raving, calling me a fag, a bitch, a fat ass bitch, a whore, slut, etc. And I couldn’t take it. Mom and I are the only ones even trying to save the house, keep her job, etc. And this is what we get. Gram came out and started defending him and coddling him. As usual, I’m outnumbered. I couldn’t take it. So, I cut myself. And just kept cutting. I wrote a suicide note to Jock and a suicide text to mom. And I confessed all the problems I have in my note to Jock. And I do mean everything. And I was so close to sawing my wrist until it broke the major artery, but I couldn’t do it and leave mom to face the two of them. It wouldn’t be fair to her.
I wish I could tell Mom the real reason why I hate my brother. But I’m afraid she’d hate me. I’m afraid she’d call me a liar. I’m afraid she’d lock up in the insane asylum because she thought I was having severe delusions. I’m afraid she’d never speak to me again. And I’d hate that. My mom’s my best friend besides Ellie, Kristie, Felicia, Lesli, and Tabby.
But, the memories of what he did to me are coming back to me. And I’m afraid I’ll kill myself if I don’t tell her soon. I’m having horrible nightmares that I can’t wake up from until they’re finished. I’m cutting myself more and more often. The memories barge into my thoughts more and more. I’ll be sitting with the kids in church and all of a sudden, I’ll have a flashback from that hell he created for me. I’m running out of venues here. It’s getting to be too much. I don’t think I can continue living with this.
On a brighter note, I’m downloading RANOnline right now, so soon, I’ll be able to enjoy my new MMORPG that I’ve been waiting to be released for like 2 months. It’s about bloody time! I can’t wait until it’s downloaded. I’ll be enthralled, I’m sure.
I’ve cast on for the body of Amy’s first baby cardigan. I’ve already completed the sleeves. Woohoo! It looks great. It’s a variegated yarn consisting of blue, green and white. They’re bold blue and green, but not too bold, and it’s spattered on the white yarn. I’m going to use bright blue buttons and I’m even thinking of working in a pocket on one side of the cardigan. Either that or using short rows to create a V-neck. I’ve never used short rows before. Or made a pocket for that matter. But I’m sure it will turn out great either way. My life may suck, but there is one thing in my life that I excel at and that’s my knitting. I can’t ever go truly wrong with it.
I’m seriously considering taking my GED this summer and hopefully getting it. And then enrolling online in this course I’ve heard of that’s created by the Knitting Council of America that gives me a degree in Knitting. Then I could open up that knitting shop and teach classes. I’d have my own business and a college degree! That would be sooooooooo wicked!
I’ve also got to start planning my birthday adventure. I want to do something different from swimming at the lake and cake. I want something new and adventurous. And I’m definitely going to do something totally different in addition. I’m going to invite that cute guy at the Hurricane Store.
Speaking of him…You’ll NEVER guess what happened! The other day, Mom and I went there as usual while Gram was watching Wheel and Jeopardy. I went in and got some scratch-off tickets as usual. We won a few times and after a few times, Mom sent me in for 6 tickets. And I went in and he was working, so it was fun. I went in and told him I wanted 6 this time. Well, he thought I said SEX and he asked me “Sex?” and grinned. I said, “No, SIX.” an I was both smiling and turning the same shade of red as Mom’s car. And I got the tickets and went out to the car and mom, of course, noticed I was blending in with her car. So she asked me what happened. I wouldn’t tell her, but I was managing to steam up the windshield whilst I was scratching off my tickets. And I still wouldn’t tell her, so on my way out of the car to get more tickets (OI!), she told me to say yes! So I HAD to tell her. And she busted out laughing. I told her to shut it and started closing the door, and -get this!- she told me “Go for it, Margaret!”!!!!!!!!! So I went back in and there was a line, so I got in line, and he was behind the cash register. I’m second in line and he keeps grinning at me and sorta laughing when I turn red. So now, Lesli and Momma constantly pick on me by saying “6″, or “sex”. lol
So, I’ve got to figure out a party idea. I know who I’m inviting already. For the most part.

Invite to Party
¥ Lesli
¥ Bobby {Lesli’s Boyfriend}
¥ Jock MUST! I miss my brother.
¥ Tabby ?? Mom’s still kinda ticked at her for the whole Super 8 fiasco.

I miss my friends. I haven’t talked to Tabby in ages. I haven’t seen Ellie and Kristie since my 16th Birthday. I haven’t seen Britty since I went up to NC for the weekend last summer. I haven’t seen Licia since my 16th Birthday. I haven’t seen most of my brothers since Christmas or Summer Breaks. I wish I could have this HUGE party where ALL my friends showed up and we all caught up with one another and all that. I’m positive Ellie, Kristie, Felicia and Britty would love Lesli and Ellie, Kristie, Licia and Lesli would love Britty and Lesli would love Ellie, Kristie, Licia and Britty and Britty would love Ellie, Kristie, Licia and Lesli.
Right now, I’m searching the Baby sweaters group on yahoo’s linkage. I’m looking for some more baby patterns. I think I could combine a few again and come up with another tres magnifique product. I’m also on Knitting Daily, looking for a cute pattern stitch I can use to make my baby sweater I’ve designed more original. I want people to see my jackets and say, “Now, that’s a Margaret Original!” or “See that jacket, there? That’s a Xanadu Knit!” later on in my life on the latter one, of course.
Now it’s time to post this thing seeing as its got over 1446 words in it now.
So, for now, KNIT ON!